why do i feel like

something that used to feel so right.
maybe something very wrong. -_-

day wasted.

ohhhh my i took off work >:P
& i didn't go out, i guess starbucks was good enough.
i bonded w. my cuzzzzin, haven't done that in a while.
welllll today was a waste stillllll.

maybe tomorrrrow's gonna be better.
oh my. he's going away for 2 weeks.
LET FREEEEEEDOM RING! (; hahahaha, ou.
i mean don't get me wrong, i'll miss ya.
but yr a hard ass, i'm cravin' fun.

so alllll ya good people, w. good vibes.
get yr fingerrrrrs runnin', calll me up, let's chill.
:) stilllll w. good girl stats though.
w. certain exceptions.

Taken to the heart.

We've been there since forever, and now yr gonna pull this sht on me? Once you left for the trip, all of a sudden she's yr new bestfriend. Don't get it wrong, I ain't jealous. Just didn't expect this from you, maybe from someone else. But wow, a bestfriend is suppose to be there, tell me the right things, even when the right thing maybe telling me something I don't want to hear. We're suppose to be able to "trust" each other. If I can't trust you, then who could I really trust. We all undergo changes, whether it be physically or emotionally. You changed on the real, I ain't saying I didn't. But the thing is, I never stopped treating you as a bestfriend. It's what you said, or even what you didn't say that got to me. I took that too the heart, because apparently you're my "so called" bestfriend. I mean on the real, we all have our flaws and imperfections. But one things for sure, I accept you as a whole, I don't let the bad overtake the good. And as for you, feels like when it comes to our friendship it's just portions. I ain't gonna let this get to me anymore, I'm over it. I ain't gonna get stuck dwelling in all of this nonsense. I'm just gonna concentrate on my own thing. We're all grown, and enough w. this. There's a reason why I left it back in private school. Think what ya like.

and then you came along.

All of this is really making me go crrrrrazy.
But I try not to let it come across my smile.
So I front about everything, for everyone else's sake.
I know it ain't the right thing but it's the only thing.
If I turn to this side, I end up going this way.
It's complicated whenever I try to make it simple.
I constantly find myself analyzing situation after the next.
Only finding myself in the same position as the last.
I'm asking God every night what to do, for help.
For comfort, I know he's there. He's listening.
"Megan Claire, always do the right thing."
How do I it, if I don't have a clue as to what it is!
I get sick in the stomach after every thought.
It's not suppose to happen that way.
You make me happy, but it's tough knowing..
I'm stuck feeling like I shouldn't have anyone.
I ain't good enough for anyone.
The best thing would be to stay away, and let it be.
But I don't what that, I want you. It seems possible.
Your within my reach but at the same time yr not.
There's that wall again, building up higher & higher.
Every single day, it stacks up and a foot or 2.
Making you seem "forever" far away from me.
What am I doing? I'm so confused.
I really don't wanna run to anyone.
I'm gonna be independent and take this one.
All on my own. Gonna keep my head up.
I know i'll find those brighter skies.
Before this wall becomes an enclosed box.
Blocking me from any possibilities.


i'm my own person - while yr out mocking me.
i'll just continue being the "reallllll thing."

>:( stoppppp! already w. all the assuming nonsense.
yr giving me tummyaches, and headaches. so sorrrre.
i'm thinking everything through, getting things straight.

w. or w. out a guy, needless to say, i'm gonnnna be happy.
because i spent how many yrs of my life w. out one.
& i ain't gonnna start dependin' on one to put a smile on my face.
:) but then again, yr something alright.

Everything from this point on - is in God's hands.
he's callllling the shots, making the rules, but I just gottta play the game.
Give it my alllllll, and show them what i'm made of.

Imitated never duplicated.


ups and downs, c'est la vie.

"Life isn't measured by how many breaths you take.
It's by how many moments take your breath away."

& i hate that

you cross my mind at least once everyday.
- & ugh, i hate it a lot, because it was nothing to begin w.

would you leave me? Never ever.
do you want me? Only forever.


festivalllllll, it was an "alright" turn out. haha, shanice & michellllle crack me the fuck up, damn i love those bitches. & aaaaron! he's the best, no doubt. :) remember hellllllo kittty everything. damn, i wish i could go japan w. ya. tmrw's a worrrrrk worrrk worrk day w. the best friend. hah, i'm working before i actually gotta work. ha, hard to explain. hopefullly tomorrow's just as good. i did a lot of snoooozin' today, more than i'm used too & it feels good. (: i should do it more often, maybe i'll grow an extra inch or two. apparently my doc. said i stopped already. it ain't a total bummm trip, i'm fine w. my height just kinna wish i was an inch or two taller? or not. ha, but i'm geeeee. hm. oh and i basically survived more than half of the day w. out my phone. it's pretty amazing. haha. wellllll i survived longer, but i guess it's been awhile. most people stillll try to get at me through my other phone, always confrontin' me as to why my phone still doesn't work or why i don't answer or reply. i kinnna laugh, i don't just go giving out my # to just anybody. i mean there's gotta be a purpose. ;P welllllll i heard this song, reminded me of ya' cuzzz i remember lip singing it w. ya'. that was fun ..while it lasted. i changed it though, half way through the song. and another song plays ah bad. - but oh welllllll. it's not suppose to phase ya. ouuu! my aunty bought me more baking thanggggs, & i'm in the mood for baking. :] & My uncle made me the cutest pair of honu earrrrings, man do i love him. he's the best godfather a girrrls got. been there since the hana baaaattta days, naillllls. ;P even when my dad walked out for a while. -_- he's just been there, and he's evennnnn put me on his phone line. :] whattta great bestfriend to my father. i'm alllll grown now, and unlike dad, he understands. maybe cuzzz he's had 3 daughters, and learned from them. as for my dad, i'm the only one he's seen grow up, so it's kinnnna hard for him to cope w. me growing up. but like ya said it ain't always a bad thing, at least he cares. & yrrr right. hmmmm.. it's 10:41? just woke up from a 4 hr nap. i'm stillll pretty tired, gonna get ready for bed. night <3 

& i never thought this would happen

can't believe, i'm missing something
that was never there to begin with.

Today - March 06, 2009 was prettttty chillllllll :) & i liked it. hahaha. 4th period went by fast,
alyssa, "megan you know that i miss you i wanna sit with you today but ms. osborn is the issue." 
lol. fucknnnn love that hoe fo' sho. haha. & pono toooo, that bitchface, jk. :] he's the best.
& i thinkkkkk him & ms. ivony joy are the cutestestestestest in hawaiiiiiii, but he's stilllll nails to the world.
ya, can't believe everythin's changin' i miss my thugs. on the realllll, got so much updates -_-
goood or bad? it happpened. there's stillll love, everyone's just got to find their way back somehow.
:( miss you guys on the reallllll. one day, we're gonna come back together. in time! :]

i love talks w. kev, he's the best guy friend aside from bryan.
haaha. kevvvvvin toiletface. haha. >:P i love how he can keep even my deeeepest darkest secrets.
-_- damn, it's amazing how much trust i have in our friendship, & i lovvvve it. 
your one of my bestfriends kevvvv. <3

ugh, i stillllllllllllllllllllll hate you & the truth that lies w. in everythin'.
:( but then at the same time i don't. yr probably never gonna get this.
& i'm gonnna continue keeeeepin' this to myself. 

:( i'm gonna miss you.

thugs don't cry.

people change - for the good or the bad.
it's gonna happen whether ya like it or not.

wow, tryna catch up w. everyone can't believe what i was actuallly hearing.
everyone is apparently drifting into their own ways, i mean there's stilllllll school,
but yet everyone just does their own thing afterwards. sooooo weird >:(
i miss you guys, and hearing this makes me sad. we neeeeeeda alll be reunited.
so it can go back to the goood old days, w. good times, and good stuff.
i hope you alllllll are doing good though, miss you guys a lot. never forgot ya.
thugs foreva. cuzzzz we ain't just loose change, were frrrrkn DIAMONDS.
it went from every week/weekend seein' yr faces, now it's like zeeero zip nada.
& it hurrrrrts. :( nonetheless, i stillllll love you guys forever & a day + a hour. 
everythinnn's slowly changing in a different? direction. some good some bad.
either than that, i just hope alllllllofya, are doing good, being good, livin' good :]

as for me. i'm hap hap happppppy to the world. <3
but one things for sure, no one's ever gonna take yrr guys spots.
thugs mama's for life. haha, duh "THUG LIFE." Lol. 
we neeeeeda chill ...


Yours truly.

Dear -
Boy you have nerrrrrve. Can't believe you actually assumed that I was "seeing 2 guys." Get yr facts straight. Seriously, where's yr heart?! I'm tired of hearing excuse after excuse about this and that. All of it has become the sound of nails scratching against a chalk board. How could you do this to me? No, I'm not pulling the same sht. You still haven't learned, although you say you did. My words, her words, his words, and our words have gone in one ear and out the other. Oh and you ALWAYS say "be humble." You're not being humble, do you not like seeing me happy?! So you can talk to her, but I can't talk to him? Besides you have no right to judge him. When you don't even know him, he doesn't go judging you or anyone else. Unlike you, he's making me happy taking the time and effort to put a real smile on my face and keep it there. When you made me cry, he didn't jump to conclusions and say he wanted to kick your ass, no he listened to me. Listened to what I had to say. Yet, you on the other hand have done nothing but made everything worse. I've got a good thing now, and my life's in balance. I found clearer skies through the rain. One thing ya gotta remember, "What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth." I saw through his past, you continue to live with yours. I'm over it. You've taken me for granted, and I've let you slide along with a free pass for too long. As of right now, I don't even want a friendship with you, because you don't even know how to be a real friend. How can you talk about your bestfriend behind their back? That's not even being a real friend. How can you tell me to stay true to myself? If you can't even do it. How can you tell me to make right choices not the wrong ones? When you can't even do so yourself. Before you tell me whats right and whats not think about yourself. Can't believe you. You're history to me. Without history you have no future? I'm stronger now. And I ain't chasing. I'm standing where I should and that's a heart beat away from you. This is like a "f*ck you" slap to the face. Thanks for hurting me like you did, I'm stronger. Everything happens for a reason, whether you like it or not. It's your loss. You still don't appreciate the things i've done for you, and I don't think you ever will. I've been hurt so much, to the point I realized I don't miss any of this. On the contrary my heart would drop if I saw you, or heard about you or ending up at a place where we had good times, but no. Being taken for granted just didn't cut it, I care but on the sense that your just someone in my past and if you got physically injured. I don't care about what your doing now and how your handling yourself because I've tried to help you not change you, but help you. Hoping one day you'll learn. But as the days progressed, I gave up. On us, on you. So when I see you now, I don't even bother to get a second look. You're like a person walking the opposite direction of me, a total stranger. If you actually took the time to read this, decoding it shouldn't be that hard. Pain doesn't come knocking at my front door anymore because love is a battlefield, i am a soldier and my heart is a granade.

Sincerely -
Yours truly.

P.S. I'm not missing you.