twilight.

"i don't have the strength to

 stay away from you anymore."

and why is it that all of a sudden out of the blue.

i found myself crying, over what exactly? nothing that's it.

feeling nostalgic, and it's killing me. why is it getting to me.

something like that wouldn't bug me, now it setting in.

one thing i don't get

is why i care oh so much.

for something that's not even there.

all of sudden

reality is beginning to set in, and i don't like it one bit.
i got caught up w. fantasies and dreams and the future.
that i forgot about my present. now, i'm spinning in circles.
you really don't know what you've got til it's gone.

new yorrrk are ya ready?

by the end of this year i'm possibly going to ny!
:D yaaaaaay, i can't wait. super super super excited.
- $5 a day, ya budddddy?! ;P i guess i gotta restrain myself.
today's day 5. so $25. hahaha. this is probably gonna take 4eva.
but ohhhh well, i'm gonnna do it!

- ride the ferris wheel at toys r us, scream super loud when i get to the top.
- be a kid at the candy store (; @ dylan's candy bar.
- go ice skating at the rockefeller center.
- camera whore, w. that big bull statue.
- feed the ducks, and kick the birds at central park.
- go to TRL, and give shout outs to everyone back in hawaii.
- watch a broadway show, preferrably one that i know of.
- pudge outtttt at some of the best food places in nyc.
- see the brooklyn bridge.
- biggggest hard rock cafe.
- get a lot of I <3>

why do i feel like

something that used to feel so right.

maybe something very wrong. -_-

day wasted.

ohhhh my i took off work >:P
& i didn't go out, i guess starbucks was good enough.
i bonded w. my cuzzzzin, haven't done that in a while.
welllll today was a waste stillllll.

maybe tomorrrrow's gonna be better.
oh my. he's going away for 2 weeks.
LET FREEEEEEDOM RING! (; hahahaha, ou.
i mean don't get me wrong, i'll miss ya.
but yr a hard ass, i'm cravin' fun.


so alllll ya good people, w. good vibes.
get yr fingerrrrrs runnin', calll me up, let's chill.
:) stilllll w. good girl stats though.
w. certain exceptions.

Taken to the heart.

We've been there since forever, and now yr gonna pull this sht on me? Once you left for the trip, all of a sudden she's yr new bestfriend. Don't get it wrong, I ain't jealous. Just didn't expect this from you, maybe from someone else. But wow, a bestfriend is suppose to be there, tell me the right things, even when the right thing maybe telling me something I don't want to hear. We're suppose to be able to "trust" each other. If I can't trust you, then who could I really trust. We all undergo changes, whether it be physically or emotionally. You changed on the real, I ain't saying I didn't. But the thing is, I never stopped treating you as a bestfriend. It's what you said, or even what you didn't say that got to me. I took that too the heart, because apparently you're my "so called" bestfriend. I mean on the real, we all have our flaws and imperfections. But one things for sure, I accept you as a whole, I don't let the bad overtake the good. And as for you, feels like when it comes to our friendship it's just portions. I ain't gonna let this get to me anymore, I'm over it. I ain't gonna get stuck dwelling in all of this nonsense. I'm just gonna concentrate on my own thing. We're all grown, and enough w. this. There's a reason why I left it back in private school. Think what ya like.

and then you came along.

All of this is really making me go crrrrrazy.
But I try not to let it come across my smile.
So I front about everything, for everyone else's sake.
I know it ain't the right thing but it's the only thing.
If I turn to this side, I end up going this way.
It's complicated whenever I try to make it simple.
I constantly find myself analyzing situation after the next.
Only finding myself in the same position as the last.
I'm asking God every night what to do, for help.
For comfort, I know he's there. He's listening.
"Megan Claire, always do the right thing."
How do I it, if I don't have a clue as to what it is!
I get sick in the stomach after every thought.
It's not suppose to happen that way.
You make me happy, but it's tough knowing..
I'm stuck feeling like I shouldn't have anyone.
I ain't good enough for anyone.
The best thing would be to stay away, and let it be.
But I don't what that, I want you. It seems possible.
Your within my reach but at the same time yr not.
There's that wall again, building up higher & higher.
Every single day, it stacks up and a foot or 2.
Making you seem "forever" far away from me.
What am I doing? I'm so confused.
I really don't wanna run to anyone.
I'm gonna be independent and take this one.
All on my own. Gonna keep my head up.
I know i'll find those brighter skies.
Before this wall becomes an enclosed box.
Blocking me from any possibilities.

thisislavie.

i'm my own person - while yr out mocking me.
i'll just continue being the "reallllll thing."

>:( stoppppp! already w. all the assuming nonsense.
yr giving me tummyaches, and headaches. so sorrrre.
i'm thinking everything through, getting things straight.

w. or w. out a guy, needless to say, i'm gonnnna be happy.
because i spent how many yrs of my life w. out one.
& i ain't gonnna start dependin' on one to put a smile on my face.
:) but then again, yr something alright.

Everything from this point on - is in God's hands.
he's callllling the shots, making the rules, but I just gottta play the game.
Give it my alllllll, and show them what i'm made of.

Imitated never duplicated.

:)

ups and downs, c'est la vie.

"Life isn't measured by how many breaths you take.

It's by how many moments take your breath away."

& i hate that

you cross my mind at least once everyday.

- & ugh, i hate it a lot, because it was nothing to begin w.

would you leave me? Never ever.

do you want me? Only forever.

<3

speeeech.

festivalllllll, it was an "alright" turn out. haha, shanice & michellllle crack me the fuck up, damn i love those bitches. & aaaaron! he's the best, no doubt. :) remember hellllllo kittty everything. damn, i wish i could go japan w. ya. tmrw's a worrrrrk worrrk worrk day w. the best friend. hah, i'm working before i actually gotta work. ha, hard to explain. hopefullly tomorrow's just as good. i did a lot of snoooozin' today, more than i'm used too & it feels good. (: i should do it more often, maybe i'll grow an extra inch or two. apparently my doc. said i stopped already. it ain't a total bummm trip, i'm fine w. my height just kinna wish i was an inch or two taller? or not. ha, but i'm geeeee. hm. oh and i basically survived more than half of the day w. out my phone. it's pretty amazing. haha. wellllll i survived longer, but i guess it's been awhile. most people stillll try to get at me through my other phone, always confrontin' me as to why my phone still doesn't work or why i don't answer or reply. i kinnna laugh, i don't just go giving out my # to just anybody. i mean there's gotta be a purpose. ;P welllllll i heard this song, reminded me of ya' cuzzz i remember lip singing it w. ya'. that was fun ..while it lasted. i changed it though, half way through the song. and another song plays ah bad. - but oh welllllll. it's not suppose to phase ya. ouuu! my aunty bought me more baking thanggggs, & i'm in the mood for baking. :] & My uncle made me the cutest pair of honu earrrrings, man do i love him. he's the best godfather a girrrls got. been there since the hana baaaattta days, naillllls. ;P even when my dad walked out for a while. -_- he's just been there, and he's evennnnn put me on his phone line. :] whattta great bestfriend to my father. i'm alllll grown now, and unlike dad, he understands. maybe cuzzz he's had 3 daughters, and learned from them. as for my dad, i'm the only one he's seen grow up, so it's kinnnna hard for him to cope w. me growing up. but like ya said it ain't always a bad thing, at least he cares. & yrrr right. hmmmm.. it's 10:41? just woke up from a 4 hr nap. i'm stillll pretty tired, gonna get ready for bed. night <3 

& i never thought this would happen

can't believe, i'm missing something

that was never there to begin with.

RECAP -

Today - March 06, 2009 was prettttty chillllllll :) & i liked it. hahaha. 4th period went by fast,

alyssa, "megan you know that i miss you i wanna sit with you today but ms. osborn is the issue." 

lol. fucknnnn love that hoe fo' sho. haha. & pono toooo, that bitchface, jk. :] he's the best.

& i thinkkkkk him & ms. ivony joy are the cutestestestestest in hawaiiiiiii, but he's stilllll nails to the world.

CHANTYLE I GOT YRRRRR MESSAGE BOYFRIEND, & I MISS YOU TOOOOOOOOOO! :(

ya, can't believe everythin's changin' i miss my thugs. on the realllll, got so much updates -_-

goood or bad? it happpened. there's stillll love, everyone's just got to find their way back somehow.

:( miss you guys on the reallllll. one day, we're gonna come back together. in time! :]

i love talks w. kev, he's the best guy friend aside from bryan.

haaha. kevvvvvin toiletface. haha. >:P i love how he can keep even my deeeepest darkest secrets.

-_- damn, it's amazing how much trust i have in our friendship, & i lovvvve it. 

your one of my bestfriends kevvvv. <3

ugh, i stillllllllllllllllllllll hate you & the truth that lies w. in everythin'.

:( but then at the same time i don't. yr probably never gonna get this.

& i'm gonnna continue keeeeepin' this to myself. 

:( i'm gonna miss you.

thugs don't cry.

people change - for the good or the bad.

it's gonna happen whether ya like it or not.

wow, tryna catch up w. everyone can't believe what i was actuallly hearing.

everyone is apparently drifting into their own ways, i mean there's stilllllll school,

but yet everyone just does their own thing afterwards. sooooo weird >:(

i miss you guys, and hearing this makes me sad. we neeeeeeda alll be reunited.

so it can go back to the goood old days, w. good times, and good stuff.

i hope you alllllll are doing good though, miss you guys a lot. never forgot ya.

thugs foreva. cuzzzz we ain't just loose change, were frrrrkn DIAMONDS.

it went from every week/weekend seein' yr faces, now it's like zeeero zip nada.

& it hurrrrrts. :( nonetheless, i stillllll love you guys forever & a day + a hour. 

everythinnn's slowly changing in a different? direction. some good some bad.

either than that, i just hope alllllllofya, are doing good, being good, livin' good :]

as for me. i'm hap hap happppppy to the world. <3

but one things for sure, no one's ever gonna take yrr guys spots.

thugs mama's for life. haha, duh "THUG LIFE." Lol. 

we neeeeeda chill ...

ASAP.

Yours truly.

Dear -
Boy you have nerrrrrve. Can't believe you actually assumed that I was "seeing 2 guys." Get yr facts straight. Seriously, where's yr heart?! I'm tired of hearing excuse after excuse about this and that. All of it has become the sound of nails scratching against a chalk board. How could you do this to me? No, I'm not pulling the same sht. You still haven't learned, although you say you did. My words, her words, his words, and our words have gone in one ear and out the other. Oh and you ALWAYS say "be humble." You're not being humble, do you not like seeing me happy?! So you can talk to her, but I can't talk to him? Besides you have no right to judge him. When you don't even know him, he doesn't go judging you or anyone else. Unlike you, he's making me happy taking the time and effort to put a real smile on my face and keep it there. When you made me cry, he didn't jump to conclusions and say he wanted to kick your ass, no he listened to me. Listened to what I had to say. Yet, you on the other hand have done nothing but made everything worse. I've got a good thing now, and my life's in balance. I found clearer skies through the rain. One thing ya gotta remember, "What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth." I saw through his past, you continue to live with yours. I'm over it. You've taken me for granted, and I've let you slide along with a free pass for too long. As of right now, I don't even want a friendship with you, because you don't even know how to be a real friend. How can you talk about your bestfriend behind their back? That's not even being a real friend. How can you tell me to stay true to myself? If you can't even do it. How can you tell me to make right choices not the wrong ones? When you can't even do so yourself. Before you tell me whats right and whats not think about yourself. Can't believe you. You're history to me. Without history you have no future? I'm stronger now. And I ain't chasing. I'm standing where I should and that's a heart beat away from you. This is like a "f*ck you" slap to the face. Thanks for hurting me like you did, I'm stronger. Everything happens for a reason, whether you like it or not. It's your loss. You still don't appreciate the things i've done for you, and I don't think you ever will. I've been hurt so much, to the point I realized I don't miss any of this. On the contrary my heart would drop if I saw you, or heard about you or ending up at a place where we had good times, but no. Being taken for granted just didn't cut it, I care but on the sense that your just someone in my past and if you got physically injured. I don't care about what your doing now and how your handling yourself because I've tried to help you not change you, but help you. Hoping one day you'll learn. But as the days progressed, I gave up. On us, on you. So when I see you now, I don't even bother to get a second look. You're like a person walking the opposite direction of me, a total stranger. If you actually took the time to read this, decoding it shouldn't be that hard. Pain doesn't come knocking at my front door anymore because love is a battlefield, i am a soldier and my heart is a granade.

Sincerely -
Yours truly.

P.S. I'm not missing you.

my uncle always said

"go for the ugly boys.
they won't break yrrr heart."

haha, and everytime a new guy comes along.
i tend to remember that, and laugh a little to hard.
because it's the kinnnna thing that shallow people would say.
although it's been working out for him for quite awhile.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH, just kiddddding ;P


sorry pd. 2's a drrrrag.
boring, just texting "the beautiful bitch." (;
yrrrrr never gonna guess who.

i'm the happiest i've ever been.

yeah, this past two weeks, i've done nothing but smile smile smile. it's basically "endless" happiness. don't know exactly how all of this happened, but things do happen for a reason. & welllllll, he's the sweetest. no i don't mean, he's a sweet talker, and trys to get by with cheeezy pick up lines. no he's sweet like alllll the little things he does make me like him even more. he may not be the steeeziest guy in hawaii, but one things for sure is that i dig his steeeeeze, although he's got a bad habit of doing "illlllegal" things. but hey like sheeeela said, "for every woman theres a man that will make her stronger. for every man there's a woman that will make him change." and this certain one, no isn't making me rush into any relationships. patience is a virtue. and so far, he's got a gold heart. nooooo not another one with a cold heart. (: don't know how things happen like this. whennn you've got a good thing, don't screw it up. althoughhhh he says he's not worthy, he's trying and trying. and i love that. i'm his onnnnly yogurrrrt girl (; hahah. and i'm gonna throw it at his face. haha. apparently i gottttt scrub out alll the pointless memories, and make room for more, haha. he's silllly but gets me going. & for that other person out there, thinkin' i'm probably stupid for moving on. yrrr stupid because you don't know the deal. you don't know the real deal. the sht that went down, and why it went down like that. it's not my fault, and why would i stick around with something that only takes me for granted. No girl deserves to be treated that way, no girl or person needs to deal with all the pain i've dealt with. i'm stronger and bettttter today, cuzz life's too short to dwell in alll that's wrong. :) and boyyyy, i ain't missing you. i'm happy.

possibly to good to be true.

fyi: my hearts on hold.

i was fed up, and tired​ of cryin​g my <3 out.
when we could​'​ve been havin​g good times​,​ throu​gh & throu​gh.​
don'​t go jumpi​ng to concl​usion​s about​ what i've got right​ now.
becau​se you reall​lllll​y don'​t know the story​,​ okay.​
i mean i get why you would​,​ but don'​t it's not neces​sary.​
you don'​t reali​ze the sht i faced​,​ and took in day in, day out.
i gave my heart​ to get it throw​n back in my face,​ every​ time.​
i never​ ever gave up, until​ i woke up and reali​zed i don'​t need this.​
no one needs​ that.​ -_- hnstl​y,​ didn'​t want it to go down that way.
but that'​s how it had to happe​n,​ and i won'​t loooo​k back.​
becau​se i final​lly stood​ up for mysel​f,​ inste​ad of alway​s holdi​n back.​
the pain you felt,​ isn'​t half as hard as the pain i've dealt​ with.​
going​ throu​gh alll of those​ days of falli​ng and getti​ng back up.
made me stron​ger.​ so stron​g that i could​ pulll​ll that off.
and i'm proud​ of mysel​f,​ just as much as every​one else is of me.
your proba​bly sorry​,​ sorry​ that you got caugh​t & it went down like this.​
but i cared​ for you, becau​se i loved​ you. no, i don'​t hate you.
i'm thank​ing you. i'm wiser​/​stron​ger/​brave​r 'nd ain'​t putti​ng my guard​ down.​
it's kept up high where​ it belon​gs,​ and my heart​s on my sleev​e.​


i hope she'​s just as good or even bette​r to you than i was.
altho​ugh,​ i gave it my all, and tried​ to bring​ the best in you.
maybe​ she can do it. becau​se appar​ently​ i faile​d.​
take care.​ you need to give respe​ct in order​ to gain respe​ct.​
'nd be humbl​e.​ serio​usly.​ don'​t say it, act on it.

i'm happy​ now, actua​lly more than ever.​
hope you are too.

and this is what yr missing out on.

MEGANCLAIRE is always -
HI livin', gum smackin', good time chilllin', alllllllllllllllllllllday cheeeszin',

a younnngin', solo flyinnnn', menchie's workin', money $$$ makin',
weekend snoozin', myspace addictin', straight up speakin', frkn procrastinatin'
sometimes bloggin', constant chattin', nonstop talkin', easy goinnnn',
never hustlin' trippin' buggin' bullshittin' or judgin', heart handlin' just bein',
God worshipin', tongue twistin', boss bitchin', what's happenin'?

i've got my eye on you.

Update. Update! Update?
So what's been happppppenin'?!

Welllll i know it's late but HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
The last a week or so, has been one heck of a weeeeeek.
You don't even know the half of it.

Let's seee.
Chan's house, for valentine's day was fun.
:] Got to see my waipahu thug mama's & extra credit.
Whatttttevr, everyone cooked, welll i baked a cake.
It takes superrrr good with ice cream.

The next to days of my weekend were alright.
My rivalllll became one of my good friends, she's cool.
We're cool now, and she was my partner.
For the VP tournament, I think we did good.
Even if he didn't place. I had loads of fun,
except for the fact that I hurt my leg badly. -_-

Monday - President's Day.
Nothing grrrrreat, I wish I went to exclusive.

Tuesday- TODDAAAAAY! :D
Back to school, whattttta drag, : didn't do my work.
Ugh, i've become so much lazier, & it's hurting me and my future.
Today I'm thinking about going to exclusive w/my bestfriend.
& dare ohhh, kaylalalalala, maybe even __________.

Welllllll i'm in graphics right now,
and it doesnt get any more borrring.
I don't feel like making stickers or shirts.
Over that played out junk.


Wellllllll i'mout for now.
Laters (;




NO PHONE! :( horrrrrible.